Anticipation and Rest

I'm sitting surrounded by open luggage and last-minute tasks, checking off lists and then adding more to the same lists. I leave today for five weeks in Kenya, Africa, and I'm trying to make sure I'm ready...

There's something about traveling which stirs excitement within me. The realization of how much is out of my control requires that I trust God more (or go out of my mind with anxiety!). As the Psalmist said, "As for me, the nearness of God is my good. I have made the LORD God my refuge, that I may declare all His works." (Ps. 73:28) I become more grateful all the time for circumstances which remind me that I cannot navigate my life on my own, because they make me lean upon my very big God.

Not that I'm naturally comfortable there. I like to know what's happening next so that I can feel ready for it (or so that I can fret about not being ready for it!). Like my students do all day long, I'm always asking Him "What are we going to do next?" The routine is oddly similar to when I pass out materials, and before the directions can leave my lips, the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth fills the room: "Miss Djerf, I don't know what to do!" I find myself panicking and whining much the same...

Lately, like a good teacher, He's been handing words I've spoken back to me: "Listen, whose job is it to have the plan? Don't you think I have one? Do you think I know how to give you directions about this? Do I ever give you a project and just stand there? NO! Now, if you'll just chill out, I'll tell you what to do, one step at a time." (He usually says them more kindly than they sounded coming from me the first time.) Just chill out.

One verse I'd like to get into my heart these days is Hebrews 4:9-10: "There remains, therefore, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience." As I travel across the ocean, expecting to serve Christ there, I want to place my confidence in His plan and His work, not my own. This verse alludes the the people of Israel who weren't allowed to enter the promised land because they refused to believe that God would fight their battles for them. They chose to rely upon themselves (and subsequently wallow in their own inabilities), and God disqualified them from the promise. He wanted them to participate in His big-ness, to be in the midst of the battle and see His mighty hand fight for them. He wanted them to move forward and rest in who He is.

I know He wants that rest for me on this trip, a rest that's different from sleep. It's participating wholeheartedly in whatever He has for me to do, but doing it "with the strength that God supplies." (1 Peter 4) I can relax because the work is not mine, it's His. So is the plan. And so am I. Therefore, I can rest, whether or not I know what's next...