On Turning Thirty...

(I took your advice and wrote it, Sharon!)

Tomorrow morning when I wake up, I will be thirty years old. I've never been thirty before. Having seen it from afar, I've viewed it as a rite of passage, an unmistakable move into genuine adulthood. And I have been a tad intimidated.

Intimidated, perhaps, because I had a list of defining factors I thought would be a part of my life by the time I reached this milestone. House, husband, kids, graduate degree, dog. (The world in general must agree on this list, as I am frequently asked when I will find a man or get a masters or buy a house -- or, in the case of my students, adopt a baby.)

And so, when friends have asked how I feel about reaching this important age, I've been tempted to run through the mental list of non-acquisitions. No house. No husband. No kids. No grad degree. No dog, even. Conclusion: I must be a loser. (I'm so tempted to throw in a great line from The Kid right here, but only my brother Mark, who doesn't read my blog, would really appreciate it...)

Add in statistics about singleness past thirty and ticking biological clocks and retirement funds, and the whiny voice of self-pity is joined by the raspy, quivering voice of fear in singing a dirge about my future.

But if you ask me how I feel about turning thirty, I am not going to sing you that song, because God has given me a different, better one to sing. Every time I've started to think about this in the past month, He has drowned out those voices in my head with these verses, among the most precious to me in the whole Bible:

"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing.

You hold my future.

The boundary lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;

Behold, I have a beautiful inheritance." (Psalm 16:5-6)

I am confident that when I reach the end of my life, I will be able to look back on what my perfect, sovereign Creator decided belonged in it and say, "What You chose to include is beautiful and good. Behold, I have a beautiful inheritance."

One reason for my confidence: there is not an area of my life where I cannot see evidence of God's goodness to me. He has met me SO abundantly. Over the past thirty years, He has given me a multitude of precious friendships and has sustained them through various seasons. He has always heard my heart's cry for genuine fellowship with like-minded people. He's provided adventure in my daily life and around the world. He's given me opportunities I never anticipated and ones I secretly longed for. He has given me places to belong and places to grow.

When I have asked for something, He has either given it or redirected my heart's desire. Some of these things He brought before I expected them, and some He brought after long seasons of seeking Him and trusting His provision. But never once have I lacked, even in a season of waiting.

My only question: how can I possibly look on my future with dread when I can see His rich faithfulness woven through my past?

So how do I feel about turning thirty?

...hopeful.

...expectant.

...even...joyous. I have seen God's trustworthiness displayed in these thirty years; may I recognize it and display it far more in the coming years, however few or many they shall be!

"I have set the LORD always before me;

because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." (Ps. 16:8)